It began with rushing about to get to Elliot's Heath Station appointment, which led to a crabbiness with Husband. The house was a giant "just-got-home-sort-of-from vacation" mess and I couldn't find what I needed.
Then it started raining.
All in all a bad way to start out a day.
Once Elliot and I left the house, it got incrementally worse:
A car darted out at a roundabout when it wasn't the driver's turn, narrowly missing us.
A group of people crowded the sidewalk in front of a bus stop (there was no bus there) and the vast majority, who were non-Norwegians, parted ways. Two teenagers, facing a bit away, stood their ground and there was no way for me to pass.
There was no way they didn't see the rest of the people move, yet they didn't.
I said "Unnskyld" ("excuse me") several times, each time with a bit more volumne. Then loudly cleared my throat. Finally, I reached way over and poked one in the shoulder and said, in English, "Excuse me!" Both of them gave me a rotten looks and laconically ambled out of my way.
Then, six men, all ranging from about mid-20's to mid-40's, all seemingly healthy, pulled together and fit, went past me as I was struggling to get Elliot's stroller through the swinging door and up the five stairs into the elevator lobby.
Not one held the door and not one offered to give me a hand to lift the stroller up the stairs. These were not the neighborhood crackheads or even unkempt. These were businessmen who should have better manners.
But that's the problem, I'm not sure they did.
I say "please" and "thank you" on a regular basis. I open door for people and have been known to offer assistance to women and their strollers. And a few weeks ago, I let two people cut in line at the grocery. Each had one item and I had fifty.
These are not commendable acts. They are just the right things to do.
Or so I have been raised.
Also this is not a trait unique to the Southern US where I grew up. I lived in New York City for almost a decade. It happens there, too.
And, while I am not terribly well-traveled, I have been a few places and have noticed these stranger-to-stranger kindnesses all over, even in France. Even when they knew I was an American in France.
Here not so much.
This is not to say that there are no kindnesses.
There are and there are many.
Just in recent history, Elliot's pediatrician kept the office open after hours to see us when I called and said I was worried about his cough. Colleagues of Husband's have made an effort to befriend me and make me feel welcome and acclimated. A fellow customer at Ultra about my age, bagged my groceries so I could pick up a howling Elliot and pay the cashier.
And, just a few days ago when Elliot decided to be rambunctious on the plane home from Alicante, a group of Norwegian grandmotherly sorts talked to himand the oldest one of them all, who had a smiling face akin to a dried up apple, made him laugh until he lost his mind.
But on the streets, no one will hold a door. And at the airline gate, the crowd of ticketed passengers will press to get to the front. And be warned, you should watch the hell out in the IKEA corridors.
Most of the time, I just accept it as a cultural difference and go along my merry(ish) way.
But today, on a grey yuck day, it just made everything worse.
After Elliot's visits with the nurse and the doctor, which was fun and hilarious, I was still feeling out of sorts (and it was only 10am).
Back in the waiting room, I was getting Elliot back into his warm clothes and was standing next to another mother, a Norwegian woman about my age, who was unbundling her young daughter. We started chatting a bit and it turned out that her baby was one day older and that we lived in the same neighborhood. She asked how I was doing and if I was a member of a baby group. And I had just enough time to say "yes" before she and her baby were called to their appointment. They headed off in the direction of the nurses room, but turned around long enough to say "Ha Det Bra," which is a salutation which means, "Have it Good."
And it made me cry.
*The star of "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." Fantastic classic children's book. No joke. If you don't know it, read it. If you do know it, read it again. His day wasn't so bad and neither was mine, really, in the big scheme of things, relatively speaking and all of that...but also, that doesn't make it good.
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9 comments:
oooh the aggggravATION!!!! I know exactly what you mean with the refusal to move out of the way! I'm working hard to install "radar" in my kids so they don't grow up to become one of the rude nimcompoops who doesn't move out of the way or help people with doors and the like.
A lot of people unapologetically bump others out of the way. When I draw the line is when an adult almost knocked my 2yr old daughter over in the middle of an aisle in the grocery store. COME ON!
Of course there are exceptions to the rule - but in general Norwegians just aren't as versed in common courtesies as they should. Case in point: I have flown alone with babies a lot. Flying into the US there are always hands to help me. Even the captain of the plane wheeled my luggage out one time! Coming to Norway? The only ones who ever helped me where - you guessed it - NOT Norwegians!
Ok I'll shut up now before I should be making my own blogpost instead of just commenting on yours, lol!!!
I have met rude americans in NewYork. One bumped in to me while I was standing on the pavement. He didnt say sorry or anything. And when he bumped in to me I spilled coffee on myself because I had just baught coffee at Starabucks. When he noticed he just looked at me and totally didnt care.
I also thought that a lot of people working in bars and restaurant were very rude. They had this "whatever" sort of attitude.
Yes people always say "have a nice day" - but its just a line they have learned. It doesnt come from the heart. For many europeans it sound kind of fake.
Having said that, norwegian kids lack a lot of normal manners. "Folkeskikk" as we norwegians call it.
Cecilie--I would be all kinds of upset if someone bumped Elliot over and didn't bother to help him up. And I am sure your little people will have just as thoughtful manners as you do. Husband and I have been talking about the cultural differences and we both have unique theories on why that is, but we also agree that while the manners as a group leave a lot of be desired, the individuals are usually good peoples.
Anon--I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience in New York. That does happen, especially in a city of more than 8 million people, but I do confidently make the case that the unapologetic person who bumped into you was the exception, not the rule.
And, it's true that occasionally service people may not be the most friendly, especially at busy times, but also because often some Europeans tend not to tip well because it's not practiced (in the same way here) But again, I think that rude service people are the exception, not the rule.
And while I can't speak to others state of mind when they say "have a nice day," when I say it, I mean it. And I'll bet that other people mean it as well. It's kind of the same as Ha de bra.
Also, thanks for the new word and I'm glad you are reading. Please read and comment any time. I really appreciate all the thoughts.
Some days are diamonds and some days are...... well - not! Hope you don't have another one like that.
Caroline
Just one of those days ;( When I was preggo and again when I traveled to Florida alone with my baby, NO ONE at all helped me with anything. Men just watched me struggle with the baby seat, diaper bag, carry-on bag, etc.. I couldn't believe it! The only help I got was the flight attendant on a Lufthansa flight from Frankfurt to Orlando. I miss the southern hospitality a lot! I think the worst experience I ever had was in Spain though. I was staying in a hotel in Barcelona, came downstairs to eat breakfast in work out clothes and was denied service bc of my clothes! Also, every time we went out the people treated us like crap. I even had my dinner plate dropped in front of me so that some of the food flew off onto the table!! I hope to raise my son with all sorts of manners, but not to the point where he's creepy, hahah.
Magaly - normally people work out in such clothes, so I wouldn't find that to be a very good example of unpolite behaviour.
Part of my "reverse culture shock" since leaving Norway is related to politeness. I have been repeatedly surprised by the kindness and friendliness I have observed (and been subject to!) since leaving Norway. Not on a knock on the Norskies, but what a difference to have someone say, "pardon" before they run into you. Offer a stool at the bar, hold the door an extra second longer, and yes - let you cut in at the grocery store (it matters and IS the right thing to do!).
By the way, to Henrik - hotel guests should wear whatever they want to breakfast. I often stop by the hotel restaurant for a coffee before going out for a run, and why not? It's breakfast, not dinner. And she was the guest.
to El; yes, she was the guest - in a foreign country. Whenever I'm in another country, I don't want to appear rude and dressed or act in a way that the locals could find unappropriate or even offensive. Guess your runs are different than the location in Barcelona -a place where the locals can be quite worn by tourists.
Btw; (Even or should I say lik german girls) Norwegian women are completely confused when doors open by themselves or the other usual galantry they only know through foreign novels and movies. It's always suprising and a little bit fun to discover how confused and desoriented they get for even the smallest of things, compared to the French or Italians - they just seem to expect it. . .
@Henrik: that is my experience, too. Norwegians are completely startled once someone actually shows some kindness.
Sure, they can be kind themselves, on a good day...but as soon as there is something in it for them (like when they are out shopping) or when they don't pay attention, kindness doesn't come easy. and sometimes (quite often actually) it doesn't come at all. And here I am talking about the more spontanous kind of kindness. Like holding a door open, apologizing, etc. Because, once you get to know people better they are not "as bad".
I have noticed that many of the "kind" Norwegian actually have lived abroad themselves. Now, I don't want to be unfair and say that all the others are monsters. they aren't, but nonetheless, I think I see a pattern here :-)
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