Baby yoga would be less stressful without the baby

Baby yoga is the most stressful activity we do all week.

(Also the room is absolutely not baby-proofed, but why would it be?  But, check the hazards in the photo. No joke.)

Bar none.

This is counting:

- Stopping at the grocery store when Elliot should be napping.
- Changing a dirty diaper in the back seat of a car.
- Looking for a place to feed Elliot where we will not be in complete plain sight.

So when I say it’s stressful, I mean it.

Several months ago I ran into a local yoga instructor at an event.

She had just had a baby.

Elliot was about ten weeks old and we got to chatting.

I asked about Baby Yoga because, several years ago, I loved going to yoga.  I felt fit and relaxed and the good kind of “yoga high.”  And on this studio’s website were many photos of babies perched on their mothers while in the warrior pose. 

It looked like fun.

But because I had only known Elliot a short while, I asked all about the class...By the time we started he would be seven months, is that too old?  What was the skill level, etc…. 

We chatted for a long time about how her own children went until they were about a year and loved it still.  And at the time, Elliot while always sweet, was loud* and demanding and I thought that maybe a little yoga could calm the little man down.

But over the ensuing months, Elliot and I have gotten to know each other better.  I can handle him much more effectively and he’s not so demanding because he doesn’t have to be.**

He also has gotten completely mobile.  He has a funny way of getting around which is a combination of conventional crawling, rolling, military crawling and hurling himself into space. 

So when we got to our first Baby Yoga class, I was excited.  Elliot would be into it.  I’d get a little stretch.  All would be well.

Clearly I was nuts. 

Baby Yoga is not yoga for mothers and babies.  It is yoga for mothers and immobile babies.***

The mothers gather their equipment…mats, blocks and such, while the babies lies on their blankets with a soft toy.  Then the babies play quietly for the first 45 minutes while the mothers stretch and do poses. 

Most babies.  Not my baby.  My baby runs amuck. 

Seriously. 

Amuck.

I close my eyes for a second and he’s four mats down “borrowing” another baby’s toy.

So I pop up, gather him and make apologies.

I close my eyes for another second and he’s on the instructor’s mat cramming her class plan into his mouth.

So I pop up, gather him and make apologies.

I after that, I never close my eyes again.

I save him from the heating coils lining the walls.  I save another baby from his rolling.  I save the yoga blocks from his spit up.  I save his head from thumping the floor too hard and when I can’t, I comfort him, which means…

I pop up, gather him and make apologies.

When we finally get to the last fifteen minutes of class, we pick up the babies, massage them and do a few yoga poses with them.  It’s supposed to be relaxing and calming.  Elliot will have none of it.  He thinks the massage is HILARIOUS which makes him laugh his head off. 

And holding him during the poses?  Forget it. 

It’s the most stressful hour of the week.

I tried to trade in the classes for a few of the yoga classes.  The plain yoga classes.  The ones where sweet Elliot stays at home with Husband and I head off for a basic class, alone. 

I wrote an email explaining my case, praising the teacher (who is seriously good, but is the teacher, not the baby minder).  I hoped for mercy.

There was none. 

I got shamed for not practicing with Elliot every day to get him more used to it.  I was instructed to move to the back of the room so he would have more space to wiggle about where I could control him better.  And also she reminded me that her babies loved it until they were a year old.****

But the number one reason why I can’t trade in the class for other classes?

It is not fair to all the people who couldn’t get into it in the first place.

So we’re going to try it one more time.*****

Today. 

_____________________________________ 

*He is still loud.  I don’t mind that.
**Yeah, he may be the daytime boss of me, but that boss sleeps for 10 hours every single night and another two during the day, so while I work hard during the on-time, I have off-time as well.  Plus he’s funny and easy on the eyes…pretty much the best boss I’ve had thus far.

***He is also not the oldest baby there.
****I should have taken the gene pool into consideration.  She probably had serene, calm yoga babies.  I  have unruly, loud wild babies.

*****Why don't I just quit?  We already paid for it and I am ridiculously optimistic.  Maybe this time will be different...