One of the Few Times I Will Ever Discuss Bodily Functions

Our sweet Lillie is an American Bulldog. 

(American Bulldogs have occasional skin issues.  This is one of those times.  She is wearing a cone until one of her paws heals. Poor sweet Lillie.) 

For those that aren't familiar with the breed, those dogs tend to be overwhelming good-looking, fiercely loyal, slightly clownish and just smart enough.  

They also often have slight issues with flatulence.  

When we lived in Atlanta and (Not Quite Yet) Husband worked from his home office, Lillie and Milo would lie at his feet and slumber peacefully all day.

But Lillie just can't help herself.

I would often get a text from (Not Quite Yet) Husband that would read simply, "Ack, Ack. Am choking on Lillie fumes. xo."

But Lillie is an integral part of The Pack, so we (meaning me especially) tend to overlook her few flaws, including the flaws we (meaning me especially) would find repugnant in almost any other creature. 

We (meaning me especially) even tend to think of the small "pffffsssstttttts" that escape from her hind regions as special little fragrant blown kisses. 

We even find them amusing when they are slightly louder and she'll spend several minutes startled and befuddled, wondering where did that come from???

We (meaning me especially) tolerate because this because we love her. 

These days, because I do not currently have a J-O-B, often I am at home much of the day.  And while the sweet dogs slumber (punctuated by Lillie's air kisses), I sometimes keep the television on in the background. 

I favor a mix of CNN and Norwegian Children's television. That way, I am either learning about what's happening in the world, or subconsciously adding to my meager Norwegian vocabulary.

Right now, this is the commercial that is on practically every single second and it drives me nuts. 

Imagine it dubbed into Norwegian, if you can.  

UGH

I did not grow up in one of those "everything is natural" kind of families.

In fact, I am pretty sure that no one in my family, at least not my mom and sister, has ever had a bodily function.

(My brother is another case altogether. I am almost 100% certain he has.)

I mean that seriously.

Growing up, occasionally someone would go into a little room, the one with the sinks and shower, close the door and come out a little while later. There was no discussion about the events that occurred while in the room.

We did not read



And any form of scatalogical humor was roundly dismissed for a variety of reasons.

Years later when I was living in New York, I was slightly horrified when some of my friends cavalierly announced what they were going to do when they left the table.

They, in turn, thought it was hysterical that I would just stand up, say "Excuse me" and walk off.

To this day, instead of giving their usual announcement, they will now announce that they are going to the "Excuse Me" or "The West Wing."

"The West Wing" was so named when I was living in the West Village in a small apartment. It was approximately 400 square feet and consisted of one large room, one small room and a bathroom.

If I stood up to leave whereever I was sitting, clearly, I was not going to the kitchen. It was right there on the side of the bigger room.

I was not going to the dressing room. If guests were over, I most likely was already dressed.

I was not going into my bedroom. It was sectioned off the large room in the opposite direction.

I was also not going to the sitting room. There wasn't one.

The only logical choice was "The West Wing," a name chosen mainly because it was ridiculous.

(NOTE: And in Europe, it is polite and commonplace to ask where the toilet is...I don't know when I will get used to that. When I am in need of the "Excuse me" or "The West Wing," I usually just wander until I find it.)

Perhaps I have made overstated my point, but really, I just believe there are some things that are just not necessary to discuss in polite company or in public. *

===============

Here in Stavanger, I am a member of a few expat lists-serves, which means that once a day I will get notices about where to find organic peanut butter or how to get an international drivers license...just general info on things that the expat community may find of import. I skim and discard most of them.

Late yesterday, this is the what I received.

The water in Storhaug from Klubbgata to Badedammen/Verven has been infected by E.coli bacteria. Stavanger Kommune have requested all residents in this area to boil their drinking water until further notice.

See article in Stavanger Aftenblad for more info (på norsk!):

Kok drikkevannet på Storhaug


I clicked to it and realized that my rudimentary knowledge of Norwegian was of no help here, but I could check the map at the bottom of the story.

We were well within the area defined.

So I sent it over to Husband for more information.

His reply was:

Ugh. We need to boil water used for cooking, drinking, and teeth brushing for at least 3 min. I’ll stop by the store to get some bottles of water on the way home.


The key part of the story is that the E.coli may have been in the water as long as a week.

My friend Erin suspects that it is from a pipe break that happened on Sunday down the street from their house. (They apparently are pretty near E.coli ground zero.)

The bacteria was found on a routine check of the water supply, but there was no note in the story about the amount, at least not from Husband's reading (and he even used the Norsk/Engelsk dictionary for a few of the unfamiliar words.)

We have no idea whether this was 1 part to a million or a 99% concentration of the little wigglers. The news story skirted a bit around the source of the e.Coli, but I took biology. And I can read.

For the unfamiliar, there are just a few sources for E.coli and I am not a fan of any of them.

This kind of contamination happens all over the world on both a frequent and infrequent basis.

For example, just in the last few years, there have been similiar happenings in Fort Meyers (USA), Galway (Ireland) and Ontario (Canada).

This does not in fact make it any less gross, just more common than you may think.

I am not squeamish about my own family's functions and have changed mounds of diapers of babies of my friends and family for years.

But, please notice the key phrase in the sentence above...friends and family....

So last night, when Husband confirmed the worst, I was in the middle of figuring out dinner.

I immediately started boiling water and threw out the rice. I worried about the pork chops and whether or not I should rinse them. Then couldn't figure out how to wash my hands.

And, worst of all, I started to get parched-throat, stuck-in-the-middle-of-the-desert, thirsty. I couldn't drink the Brita water. The clean water was boiling and we only had a little milk.

Thank goodness for chilled wine. **



* NOTE: In case you may wonder, I am okay with people thinking I am slightly more repressed and straight-laced that I actually am. Over the course of the past three decades, I've found that if you open the door on the "bodily function" discussion, the next thing you know, people will share details that will make your ears bleed and your eyeballs pop out of your head. Or at least my head. So, while I actually am okay with many details and comments, I find it helpful to just keep a slight air of bodily function aloofness.


** And for this afternoon's plane ticket to Stockholm. Hopefully, they'll have clean water there. I've got my fingers crossed that the water situation will be straightened out here by Sunday when we return.