The Culinary Habits of Elves

Once upon a time I had an elfin grandmother.

She was not an actual magical creature like a dwarf* or a woodland sprite, but she was short and round and mischievous.

Also that is not some cropped out ex-boyfriend.  It's one-half of my brother, but he is not germane to this story, so he didn't make the cut. He won't mind. 

Seriously, look at the photo.  I am short-ish person, but I am hunched over and folded up on the sofa.  She is sitting up straight and tall.  And her feet were so small, that I always wondered how she didn't topple over.

My point is, I've been thinking about her lately, for a variety of reasons, but also because she could cook.**

She did "farm to table" when it was just called "dinner."

She was such a good cook that the day before her funeral, we gathered in the minister's office to talk about her, so he would have stories to tell from us to use in his sermon.  The first thing any of us said was, "She sure could cook." And we talked about her fried chicken and her lemon pies. About how she would always want us to eat.  And how most of the time*** it was so good that if you had one bite, you would eat every single bit.

I should have written down more of her recipes or at least learned the name of what I loved.****

For years I have been looking for little green peas or purple butterbeans.  And a about a month ago, I found small tubs of what they called "cream peas" in the Whole Foods.*****

So I bought the entire stock and came home and started googling for recipes.  I found this one, which is not exactly how I remember Meme's (I highly doubt she would use garlic, for instance), but it's sort of close.  So I've been playing with it and modifying it and below is what I've come up with.  It's not exactly Meme's peas, but it's close and it's good.

Elfin Cream Peas
Buy what you can, then you'll need the following for each pound of peas. (I highly recommend starting with at least two pounds.  They only get better each day.)

- 4 slices bacon
-1 small onion
- 1 clove garlic
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 tsp pepper
- 1 cup water

Chop the bacon, onion and garlic.  Rinse the peas.

Toss the bacon, garlic and onions in a big pot.  The bacon will provide enough fat to cook the onions and garlic.

Stir around until the onions are translucent and the bacon is cooked.

Then add the peas, salt and pepper.

Then add water, which should just cover the peas.  (Below is probably just a little too much.) And don't be shy with the salt and pepper. Taste it all occasionally and add more.  The amount of salt and pepper is just a starting point.

Bring it to a rolicking***** boil for about 15 or 20 minutes. Then let it simmer for at least an hour.  Good stuff, I promise.

Meme would make you eat at least two helpings.

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*Not to be confused with dwarves, woodland sprites or any other actual magical creatures.

Bonus points for recognizing one of the dwarves.

Though, on the subject of woodland sprites....Would you know one if you saw one? Googling comes up with this.  But for years, I've always thought of one as more like this.  No joke.  Then shrink him down just a little bit so he's about as tall as I am, shave his mustache, put him in loose overalls, douse him in pachouli, take away his shoes, make him a mega-fan of the Grateful Dead and "natural substances," circa 1995 or so.  Then make sure when he gets hyper or excited, he hops sideways from foot to foot.  I know this because I am 98% certain that I met an actual woodland sprite once at a friend's mountain cabin.  We had sneaked off after exams to take a day off before holidays with our families. And our own personal woodland sprite showed up for a little visit.  Trust me on this.  It freaked me out. 

**I am still pregnant and hungry.  And along with Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls, chocolate milk and peanut better sandwiches, I want Meme's cooking. Elliot was made almost entirely of pickled vegetables, chocolate popsicles and mandarin orange slices.  This baby girl has a serious sweet tooth. 

***Her skills did not extend to all foods, though. You could always trust anything fried, vegetable based or if it had Cool Whip or frosting as a component.  But with any baked goods, it was wise to check twice before eating.  Based on her brownie making skills alone, I was in my early twenties before I realized that "from scratch" was not "synonymous with 'tastes like shite."  No joke.  But really, as long as you remembered to stay away from the brick-like brownies, you'd be all good. 

****Let this be a lesson to write it all down...also, to snag the cast iron skillet while the snaggin's good.  I don't know where her skillet ended up, but I hope whoever has it, appreciates that it is seasoned with six or more decades of goodness.

*****Another Southern raised friend of mine says they are called young field peas and I think she may be right, but cream peas was printed on the sticker, so that's what I am going with today.  She stared at me blankly when I said purple butterbeans.  But I know they exist out there somewhere.

Asian fast food

Pre-Elliot, I would try a million different recipes.  I would tear them out of magazines, borrow them from  websites and hound BigD for directions of how to make whatever it was that I remembered from the dinner table when I was eight.

These days, while I will try new things occasionally, I have gotten into a bit of a rut. Along with a few surprises every now and again, our staples are Husband's favorite tacos, the BigD classic*, Jenny's wok recipe and crispy chicken wraps.  Most of these are not created from scratch.**

But even as my head is still clouded with Elliot-things: like getting to know each other and helping him learn important skills, I am slowly trying to get back to cooking meals that are a little more fun than what can be found on the packet aisle at the grocery store.

Last week, we ate lunch with a friend from Singapore.  She served us soup that was so good and so pretty that I asked for the recipe.  She said that it was "just Asian fast food."  That it was nothing special and that in Asia you could buy it on the street for just a few dollars, but it was special and a few nights later, I made it for Husband.

And it was good...

Here's what you need...adjust the amount of each ingredient for the amount of soup you'd like to make.  Keep reading...I think it will make sense...***

And, depending on your level of skill and time, you can create every single bit from scratch or cheat a bit and get it from cans and jars.****

Pork filet

Cha sui marinade, which is kind of like Asian BBQ sauce, sweet and a little tangy

Kernels of corn

Chopped green onions

Cooked udon Noodles

Medium boiled egg sliced in half

Miso soup

Marinate a pork fillet in Cha Sui sauce for a few hours.

Bake it in the oven at about 250 degrees C until it's done (flipping and spooning the sauce over it about every ten minutes or so).  Make sure it's still a little bit rare in the middle...the timing depends on the size of the piece of meat.

In the meantime chop the vegetables or pour them out of a can.

Boil an egg to medium (about 8 minutes)

When the meat is cooked, set it out and when it is slightly cooled, slice in disks.

Cook the miso soup to boiling.

Put noodles in bowl about 1/2 way, then pour boiling soup over top.

Add in slice of egg, disks of pork, onions and corn.

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*Awesome pasta with zucchini and squash. If you've ever eaten dinner at my house, you probably have had it.  It's one of my absolute favorites and no one cooks it better than the BigD herself.  But I try.

**I didn't know that "from scratch" was a good thing until I was about 25.  My elfin grandmother, who was not an elf, but was about the same size as an elf, was a fantastic cook (Her fried chicken is unparalleled to this day).  But she was sadly lacking in baking skills---with the exception of pound cake and chocolate cake...those were TASTY.  She was not aware of this and often would proudly present her brownies, proclaiming that they were "from scratch." We would take a bite, praying not to chip a tooth. For years afterward, I was certain "from scratch" was polite code for "tasted horrible" and would avoid it at all costs.


***There is a talent to writing recipes. I am pretty sure I don't have it, but hopefully you'll understand it anyway.

****Guess what I did?  And really, it's Asian fast food.  Also, I'm not in the business of judging.

A Cookout (or "The Beginnings of a Brainteaser with Just a Little More Effort")

Even though the weather report forecasted rain (for the most part, when doesn't it?), last week, Erin and Kyrre hosted a cook-out. 

It was a really fun mixed group, both nationally (Norwegians, Americans, Dutch, Australian, Swedish/Italian, Venezuelan) as well as professionally (school administrator, various kinds of project managers, engineer, journalist, consultant, physician), so it was pretty lively overall.

And no, this is not the beginning of a brainteaser, though it could be:  

Eleven people were at a barbeque. Six were women and five were men. The majority were European--- 4.5 of these were Scandinavian---but there was also one South American, one Australian and three Americans.  Everyone has a profession, but some don't work in an office. Four were drinking beer pulled from a Norwegian's purse where it had been stuffed.  Three were drinking champagne.  One was drinking a fruit cocktail that most of the rest thought was stiff with vodka.  Eight sat on chairs, while one lounged and sneaked bits of sausage to a sweet dog who just wandered up.  The Norwegian, Dutch, French and English languages were all used, often in the same conversation. So who was a vegetarian?

(I used to love those.) 

But back to the shindig.  

Husband was charged with opening the champagne bottle.  He aimed it out the window because he didn't want to put an eye out, at least not one of anyone we knew.

Then the guys went outside to help Kyrre get the grill going. Truthfully, I'm not sure Kyrre needed the help, but the rest of the men enjoyed it. 

Kyrre and Husband are hard at work.  Note that Husband is wearing my flip-flops, over his socks.  When I noticed my shoes had gone missing (remember no one wears shoes inside houses in Norway...) I immediately (and with Erin's permission) stole a pair of Kyrre's.

Most of the rest of the crowd on K&E's back porch, waiting on the good eats.

Alex is a bit sassy and grins when she sees cameras in the vicinity, Åshlid, while also sassy, missed the grin moment.

Alex does not know that dog, but thought it looked hungry.

Husband is not a grump, he's just playing one in this photo.

Eva is trying her sausage wrapped in a potetkaker, which a sort of potato pancake. It's used instead of buns.  It's really tasty and much lighter and you can still stuff it full of the good stuff like sauerkraut and ketchup. 

Eventually, the party moved inside.

 

First Dinner Party

Everywhere I've lived, I've loved to throw parties.

I love giant parties on the rooftop where all of my friends get to know each other against the backdrop of the West Village.

I love informal cookouts to watch football games over burgers cooked in an open garage in Toco Hills.

I love girls' dinner parties with the excuse of reading books, but with the real purpose of visiting and catch-ups on St. Charles Avenue.

It's fun to plan the menu and to set the table. And to think of all the commonalities between guests to they will have something to talk about when they first meet. Then to figure out their differences so they can continue the conversation.

On the spur of the moment last week, Husband and I decided to ask some friends over. The weather is lovely and we have a back porch and a grill. So at seven o'clock, Erin and Kyrre and Rodovan showed up.

I made Big D's zuchinni pasta and Husband grilled flank steak soaked in Dale's.



Kyrre and Rodovan helped on the porch.




Lillie helped in the kitchen.




So did Milo.




So did Erin.




Rodovan showed photos of his girl and his upcoming schmancy cruise.




Erin tries to look like she is listening, but really wants the salad.




Someone said something funny.